When there is despair and sadness gripping the heart, and life has ceased to make any sense, there is an emptiness which lays heavily upon us. For a few years this was my situation, and I had zero faith in God, or The Source, and accompanying that I had zero faith in myself. You could say I was quite lost to the world, and also lost to Spirituality. I felt so isolated, and as though my whole Soul had shifted in a painful direction.

So, in an effort to regain some kind of balance, I changed everything in my life. I gave away all material possessions and moved geographically. However, when I arrived, I found I had brought myself with me. I realized no amount of running was going to lessen the emptiness I felt.

Time passed, and there was a kind of superficial healing, which alleviated some of the pain I held so close. But within, questions began to arise, and I could not see myself when I looked in the mirror. I was merely a brittle shell of the person I remembered. Suffice to say, I did not look often.

Questions were present. "Why am I here?"... "What is missing?"... "How can I find it, when I don't know what 'it' is?" And,"When will I feel again?"... “Why do I feel so alone?" These were questions amongst many others.

There came a point when I realized that first and foremost, Love was missing, I loved my children as mothers do, but had no Self Love. So, I began working on this. I can only say now, that I must have been observed in my efforts, considered ready, and soon a teacher was presented to me. I was not looking for a teacher, or guide, but one came.

I was introduced to Centering Prayer, and after a few weeks of internal struggle, I was led to the door of myself, which I opened wide, and allowed myself to step into Love. Through daily practice of meditation and Centering Prayer, over a few months, I consented daily to surrendering myself into the Embrace of God, The Source, and in this way have released much deep emotional pain. There is now a constant Presence and Serenity, a knowing that All is Love, All is within reach, and to be Present is of essence.

As I am relatively new to Centering Prayer, there is little I can say in a scholarly manner about it. I know that I have not before in any meditation lost time so completely as I do in this prayer. Nor has the light ever been so bright as to illuminate my every fault, and yet comfort me with Grace. The comfort and consenting to the presence of God has changed me, allowed me to become spacious and filled with Love, and in Gratitude, this Love I happily give to All.

The re-connection through prayer has been a journey of discovery and letting go, one of pain and sublime rapture, of longing and of Loving. But the journey is well-steeped in Silence and Stillness, where the Presence of God penetrates my Being deeply, and will remain with me, as 'I' am no more separable from God than I am from myself- or from you.

The benefits of daily communication with God, our Source, are not only spiritual but also physical. Ailments that have been present for years are healing, and through raised awareness and the presence of Grace throughout the day, my relationships with others have become more open, my children are happier because I am happier, and there is a deep sense of welcoming in my home.

The wonder of life is infinite. After so long with no faith, now I have embraced it so wholly. Or has it embraced me?

This opportunity to share a small part of my journey towards Truth brings Joy to my heart. This testimony may share only a tiny portion of my life in time, yet the Opening of my Heart and Soul to the work and wonder of God is an infinite gift.

This is the way prayer came to me, touched my Heart, and quickened my Spirit, so that I come to prayer also.

Love and Blessings to All, and
May your hearts be ever touched by prayer,

June Gaia WellSpring 

11/5/2010